Jafadevelopmentalcoach's Blog

Internal Resources

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 23:27:54 +0000

If we were all the same, it would be a boring world to live in. So we have our different personalities, values, and experiences and we make our decisions based upon those differences. To make the assumption that all people should act just like or make the same decisions as you is just ridiculous. A person from South America may react differently than a person from Asia. And, if we were to put them up against the same personal challenges, the outcome would probably be very different

The point is, we all have weaknesses, strengths, and internal resources that emerge by the nature of who we are and how we got to who we currently may be. Look toward the strength of your background to get through difficult times. African-Americans had the inner strength or resources to help get them through slavery. By using your resources when faced with day-to-day obstacles, you will be able to overcome personal challenges.

Sometimes, we give in too quickly, when all we needed to do was hold on just a little bit longer. There is a saying in Texas: “If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes and it will change.” At times, we can compare life’s challenges to this analogy. If you will just hold on, the problem will probably work itself out. Jumping to conclusions, making assumptions and allowing our fears and anxiety to take charge of our thinking only intensifies our perception of problems. So, hold on, use your inner strength and see if some of your problems diffuse themselves.

Positive Self-Esteem

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 17:15:50 +0000

Years ago as a college student, I dreamed of buying a new Camaro. I believed if I acquired this car, I would be able to attract more females, win respect, and be popular on campus. I drove a Chevy and I was unhappy with it. I wanted a new car thinking my whole life would change. A few weeks later I decided I needed a wardrobe to go along with my new car. My old jeans and over-washed shirt just wouldn’t do anymore. Unfortunately, I was broke. Along with my new car and clothes, I thought a wallet of crisp fifty dollar bills would give me the motivation to be someone important. I kept adding on things to make me feel good. The problem was that I did not like myself. I wanted “things” to make me feel good. I rationalized and made excuses for myself.
The reality was that a new car would have never added true friends. New clothes probably would not have attracted beautiful females on the inside. A billfold of crisp fifty dollar bills would not have changed my internal lifestyle. Many people use objects to make them feel worthwhile. They buy houses, boats, jewelry, and clothing seeking to please themselves and others. Positive self-esteem is arrived from genuinely liking yourself. No object can increase or decrease your self-esteem. Your worth as a person is not determined by your wealth. If you are encountering people who rate you by where you live or the type of car you drive, remind yourself that this is not be the type of person you should be allowing into your inner influence circle. Quite possibly you can turn it around and teach them what is really important in life. Chances are their self-esteem is really low and they are trying to compensate. Try at all costs to avoid the trap that society sets for us. The fact that God gave you life and you and provided you a period of time to experience its many wonders should be enough for you to know you are a worthwhile person. Surround yourself with people who believe this and help reinforce your positive self-esteem.

Let Stress Go

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 16:26:39 +0000

Time passes so quickly that we often lose track of what’s happening in our friend’s lives. I recently had a conversation to catch up on Debbie’s life. She explained she had been low-key and depressed over the past year because she had had several crises occur in her life. One of the crises involved her father’s passing. She found herself withdrawing and experiencing increasing stress levels at every moment. Working at her job kept her busy and her stress under control.
I asked Debbie, “What do you do for fun?” She hesitated, and then sighed. I went on, “Have I asked a difficult question?” She replied, “Yes, you have. I don’t do anything to relax. I go to work, then college and when I go home I feel sad over my father’s death but I don’t know how to relax.”
I began to talk to her about what I like to do to relax. “I travel in my car or take a cruise to Mexico. On a smaller scale for relaxation, I enjoy walking around a pond filled with ducks. I have such a pond just a block away from my home.” I told her I enjoyed movies, dancing and occasionally eating out. She responded, “I don’t do any of those things.” I encouraged her to take action and enjoy life. I said, “Debbie life is something like an eye blink and within one blink, it is here and gone. It can never be taken for granted. No one can promise you will live to be sixty-five or eighty years old. Your last breath may be today.”
These statements are true for everyone. If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness with only three months to live, what is the first thing you would do? Who would you call? What would you say? Isn’t it time to start living your life now?
Now would be a great time to sit down and really examine what is important to you. Write yourself list of your goals and create an action plan to reach those goals. Put a reasonable timetable on the goal. Keep the goal in a prominent place to remind you each day. For example, if you want to go on a tropical vacation, print off pictures of the place you want to visit and keep them on your mirror or computer. You could even put a little money jar beside the picture if you need help saving for it. If you want to lose weight, place a photo on your pantry or refrigerator of what you want to look like or you might join an online support group. Find the tools that will help motivate you. What works for one person may not work for you. However, there are many tips and tricks that others can share that might help. You might also consider a developmental coach to help you obtain goals that are more along the career or personal development aspect. How will you start to really live now? Feel fee to share with me. I would love to hear about your goals and successes.

Taking Charge

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 02:21:56 +0000

God has given me the choice to
Sit among winners and losers;
To walk into a game of life,
Adapting myself to life’s challenges;
I sit not with fearful and timid
Souls adrift in life complaining;
I get involved in my
Personal triumphs and valleys overcoming
Unexpected adversaries;
Each time I overcome I become
Stronger like the oak tree that
Stands against the natural elements;
This is my life and my moment in time.
I choose to take charge, rather
Than to sit on the sideline blaming and
Whining about circumstances, negative situations and toxic people.

James A. Farmer

Mental Toughness

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:58:19 +0000

Do you believe you are overall mentally tough? Please respond to the questions
below in relation to whether or not you feel a certain way. There is no right or
wrong answer. Answer yes or no based on the past two years of your life.
Contact me with your answers and let’s discuss your results.

I am able to control distracting thoughts. Yes or No
I have a normal energy level. Yes or No
I usually get the most out of a situation. Yes or No
I am able to perform under pressure and focus on what I have to do. Yes or No
The more pressure there is, the more I can perform. Yes or No
When I have a problem, I worry about it. Yes or No
I am able to relax to some extent when a problem occurs. Yes or No
When I fail to reach a goal, it makes me try even harder. Yes or No
I never give up when the road gets tough. Yes or No
I can bounce back when confronted with a problem. Yes or No
I have a strong belief I can overcome. Yes or No.
I can overcome self-doubts when they enter my thoughts. Yes or No
I trust myself in making positive decisions under pressure. Yes or No
I will go “the extra mile” to improve and move ahead. Yes or No
I have a “move forward” mindset during tough times. Yes or No
I can cope with pressure when confronted with it. Yes or No
I can regain control of things when situations are out of control. Yes or No
I have a strong belief to find a way to get through difficulty. Yes or No
I can control my negative emotions. Yes or No
I can stay positive despite negative friends and negative situations. Yes or No
Some pressure situations make it a challenge to move ahead. Yes or No
I am able to resist the pressure of another’s viewpoint and therefore I don’t seek approval. Yes or No
I have purpose in achieving goals and I go for it. Yes or No

Don’t Keep Life on Hold

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 17:29:19 +0000

I recently had a chance to talk with a nineteen year old young female. She had completed high school and was interested in earning a college degree.
At an early age, Kathy was already separated from her husband and had just delivered a healthy baby boy.
She was looking toward the future, but regarding her husband, she said, “I’ve given him an ultimatum and that will decide whether our marriage will work or not. Meanwhile, I’m on hold, waiting on his decision.”.
I asked, “When is Paul’s deadline for this decision?” Kathy responded, “Soon.”
As the conversation continued, I inquired about what kind of degree she wanted and she responded, “I want to study pre-¬med.”
Kathy was a 3.8 grade point high school student and obviously very intelligent. Now, she had been turned down by the military and was separated from her husband. Her marriage and her life were on hold as she waited for her husband to make up his mind.
Are you putting your life on hold waiting for someone to make a decision? In Kathy’s case she had been waiting almost a year for her husband to show responsible behavior. The best advice I could give anyone in a similar situation is to decide when you will move on. Sometimes you have to plan your life without a spouse or significant other.
Take charge of your family and move on for a better day. Goal-setting is a good place to begin.

The Truth Will Set You Free

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 18:14:04 +0000

I make it a policy to tell the truth— even when telling the truth means that I may lose a friend. Recently, a friend shared with me her experience of waking during the night to discover her husband standing in the doorway of her seventeen year old daughter’s bedroom staring down at his stepdaughter. When she asked him what he was doing, he claimed that he had gotten lost going to the bathroom.

Upon hearing this story, I became very suspicious, considering the fact that the house has two bathrooms, one in the master suite the husband and wife shared and the other down the hallway. Why would he have needed to leave the bedroom?

Several weeks later, my friend adjusted her story, saying that her daughter must have
manipulated her stepfather into coming to her room. In light of my friend’s rationalization, I could have either tried to avoid the issue or addressed my concerns head-on. As a friend, I felt obligated to tell her the truth as I saw it. Her husband was in the wrong and must have been having sexual thoughts about her daughter. A true friend doesn’t try to make you feel good by tickling your ears with lies. A true friend tries to be objective and give an accurate assessment, even when it isn’t what the friend wants to hear. Months later as more friends and relatives shared the unfolding story with me, I found that my suspicions had been confirmed.

When a friend asks for my opinion, I feel that my role is to be honest, objective and opinionated. I call it as I see, here, and feel it. Telling someone the truth can be difficult,
especially when feelings and emotions are involved. I did not want to hurt my friend with my opinion, but, more importantly, I did not want to leave her in denial of a potentially explosive situation. My policy is to give my objective opinion, and then leave it up to the other person to decide whether or not to act upon what I have said.

You need to decide what kind of friend you are. Do you lie to your friends to keep them as your friend? Are you willing to do whatever is necessary to keep your friends feeling
good, even if it means compromising the truth?

Watch Your Attitude

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 18:26:14 +0000

Helen is the perfect mother, the not-so-perfect lover and a person with perfect expectations for herself and others. During the day, she teaches at a Catholic
elementary school, where she is always the perfect teacher. On weekends however, she consumes excessive amounts of alcohol and dances the night away in all sorts of bars. Through it all, there is an “air” about her. She believes she is better than most people because she owns her own home, possesses physical characteristics that she believes are superior and she professes to be religious. Her walk is upright and rigid with her chin
pointed slightly upward. She views life in stark black and white when it comes to others. Her views are limited and her expectations are high. She either likes you or she doesn’t, there is no middle ground. Both of her children should be perfect. However, it didn’t turn out that way – one child is good, never making a mistake and the other is bad and can never seem to get anything right. From her point of view, she simply has a favorite refusing to see that she openly despises the other one.

Here is a person with an attitude and it shows. Her children, of course, know who is looked upon favorably. Despite their mother’s bias, the children do appear to be growing into fine adults. Their mother however, is not growing as a person though. Whenever she has a few drinks of alcohol, her behavior reveals just how immature and childish she
really is. She cannot admit it. What is the moral of this story? Watch your attitude. It could be helping you to deceive yourself.

Success is not Accidental

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 18:26:33 +0000

Some people spend a small fortune hoping to win the lottery. Others gamble in casinos, on sports events, racetracks or in some other way. Success is not accidental. Successful people take care of their own destiny. They are focused, energetic, come up with a plan of action and implement it. Success happens to those who plan for it. I often refer to them as mountain climbers, optimistic thinkers or trail-blazers.

Successful people see challenges and have no vocabulary for “can’t.” Each time they overcome a challenge, they are aware of the lessons learned and have compiled data for
future challenges. Success is a series of learning events.

If you want to be successful, you must first lay a foundation. You’re probably wondering -
what goes into a foundation? There are some key elements that go into your foundation. You must have a positive mental attitude, bull-headed determination, self-motivation, positive self-esteem, creativity, a vision, goals and objectives and a timetable.

A positive mental attitude helps trigger positive forces. When you are experiencing frustrations, a positive mental attitude will be the engine to keep you moving. Bull-headed determination is the substance that real success is built upon. This determination is when you are focused and the vision is within your grasp. No external forces can deter you. Your goals are close to fruition. Self-motivation is taking charge of your self-talk and going after your goal. Positive self-esteem is liking yourself in the success process. Creativity is needed when you are faced with obstacles. Coming up with solutions over and over again is creativity. Vision is being able to see yourself as successful. Envision yourself achieving your goals. Write out your goals and objectives. Putting
them on paper and reviewing them weekly is a great way to stay on track. Have a timetable in mind for when you need or want to achieve a goal.

I would like to share an experience with you. When I was in the seventh grade, I was placed on a wrestling squad fifth team. The school officially only had three teams. However, the coach had developed a fourth and fifth team to help keep kids busy and in a
structured environment. I made a commitment while on the fifth team that I would on a varsity athlete in the eighth grade. I practiced every day for a year. During this year, I learned all the moves, increased my speed, built strength, and developed confidence.
Finally, in eighth grade, I made the team and was undefeated for the season. My success was not accidental, I had worked for it. The bull-headed determination got me positive results.

Using the key elements above for outlining your success, when do you plan to achieve your goals and objectives? Feel free to share them with me.

Determination

jafadevelopmentalcoach — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 15:19:59 +0000

Like most individuals, I dread going to the doctor for my annual physical examination. On one particular year, just an hour before my appointment, I received a message that my mother had been beaten up. I panicked and tried to call home but was unable to gather much information. The doctor’s office was due to close in two hours, so I reluctantly drove to my appointment. They gave me a routine examination, and told me to return several days later for the results. Thankfully, afterwards, I was finally able to reach my mother
and she reported to be ok.

Two weeks late; I returned for my results and I was also experiencing a painful ear infection. The nurse took my blood pressure and it was high, as well as my blood sugar. Along with my high blood pressure, the doctor said my blood sugar was high and I was diabetic. To top it all off, the doctor had circled my cholesterol results. At that moment, I experienced a sense of hopelessness and despair. I felt like I was a medical wreck, and the doctor had confirmed it. He began writing out all the prescriptions for my various problems. I sat there pretty much in shock.

At the very moment he handed me my prescriptions, I experienced a mental shift. I
made a choice to take charge of my health. I was determined to no longer feel like a wreck. I called a friend and told her what had happened and shared my determination to restore my health. She shared with me the herbs, vitamins and eating routine I needed to follow. With a positive attitude, determination, and courage, I took charge of my health.

How many of you are totally dependent on a physician’s prescription for health? Is your physician driving while you are in the back seat riding? Do you willingly accept everything you are told? You should make it a point to research and learn as much as you can about your ailment. Ask questions and research it with a friend. Utilize the internet, library, your doctor, and organizations that specialize in your particular situation.

In other words, become an expert in your health. Check into alternative medicine.
Ask questions about the side effects of the medicine(s) you consume. Often the side effects can be worse than your condition and create more problems. Did you get a second opinion about your diagnosis? Are you exercising and eating right? Do you get enough rest? Have you eliminated your major stresses? Are you adapting your lifestyle to good health and less stress? You must be in control of your healthcare options. Be determined to take the best possible care of yourself.